“Do you have someone to stay with you tonight? No? Then you’ll need to sign a Waiver.” The nurse admitting me to hospital for surgery gazed at me before pushing a form across the desk and indicating where I was to sign. I was relinquishing their responsibility in this matter. This is a story about one of the aspects of being a widow (or even just being single) that you don’t even think of…until it happens.
Some people are hoarders, and some people just like to…well….hang onto stuff in case they need it one day. That was my husband Norbert. 😄 While he was in charge of his own ‘space’ he seemed to know where everything was and it wasn’t my problem. But then he was killed in a tragic accident and all of a sudden it became my problem….a BIG problem.
Last night I held a Pity Party. It was a Saturday evening and the weather was deliciously warm and balmy. As the sun went down I turned on the fairy lights on the patio. It looked so beautiful and inviting outside that I had the brilliant idea to pour myself a glass of wine, put on some low-key Jazz music and sit in the pool and watch the stars come out. Sounds lovely? It was…until…..
I think I’m relatively sane, although I did wonder for a while! You probably think I’m joking but I actually feel quite embarrassed about some of the things I said/did during the early weeks after my husband Norbert was killed in the glider crash. Here’s where I admit to some of the reeeeally stupid things…. 🙂
My life was all laid out for me. I was married to my soul-mate and looked forward to the ‘golden years’ ahead. A relaxing retirement together which stretched into the future and promised lots of travel and fun times. I knew who I was….and I liked that person. Then instantly all this was snatched away from me, leaving me asking “Who am I?”
Such a personal decision! There is no way I would tell somebody else what they should do, but I thought I’d share my own feelings……because despite being adamant that I would never do this (it’s better to remember them as they were etc etc), I changed my mind. I thought I’d tell you why.