From the blackness of grief to a rainbow of colours
The following posts are from the very early days of my grief journey, starting back on that first day…
I was not prepared for this day. Nobody is.
“Do you know a Norbert Gross?” This was the question asked of me when I opened my front door to two Police Officers on 19th September 2017. This is so hard to write, as it makes the memories flood back and my eyes well with tears. [keep reading]
I needed to revisit the last place he was alive.
I stood in the middle of a vast expanse of nothingness, with a midday sun blazing down and dust eddying lazily around my feet. I felt small and insignificant….and very, very sad, because this was where my husband died. [keep reading]
What you imagine may be different from the reality.
Such a personal decision! There is no way I would tell somebody else what they should do, but I thought I’d share my own feelings because despite being adamant that I would never do this I changed my mind. I thought I’d tell you why. [keep reading]
I did not believe this stuff, until it happened to me.
Clocks stopping…and going backwards. Music starting up in the middle of the night and things inexplicably (and catastrophically) breaking. It started within hours of receiving the devastating news leaving me wondering what would happen next! [keep reading]
I was trying so hard to be ‘strong’…whatever that is.
I know you’re thinking “How on earth can anyone fail at grief?” The one truism that I learned on this journey is that the only right way to handle grief is your way. I believe it…really I do….but then the illness called ‘depression’ finally beat me. [keep reading]
I am almost embarrassed about the weird stuff I did.
I think I’m sane, although I did wonder for a while! Two hours after I was told that Norbert had died, I felt compelled to cancel a hairdresser’s appointment. Somewhere in my completely shattered mind I thought this was a priority. [keep reading]