Warm, tropical rain was coming down when I left home, but the sun was already shining by the time I got to the airport. This trip began like all other trips in the past…standing in queues and sitting around in an airport. I’ve done this plenty of times before, so why was my heart palpitating a little faster than usual? Why was I experiencing just a little bit of trepidation? It was because this was my very first solo trip overseas.
I wasn’t always grieving. In fact I used to be a person who tried to support others. Looking back I think I did this very badly though. In fact, I am appalled at the incredibly inappropriate things I said to these poor people, and the expectations I had of them. Yes…expectations! I actually expected them to come halfway so that I could feel OK too! Sheesh! 😫
I can now empty a can of insect spray onto scary spiders! 😋
Oh wow…you’re probably wondering where on earth I’m going with this topic! What on earth could possibly be positive about having a loved one die! Steady on though and let me explain. 🙂
Of course it’s not positive to lose someone you love, but there’s that old saying ‘for every cloud there is a silver lining’, and I want to focus on searching very hard to find some silver linings in what I know is a VERY dark, stormy cloud.
“Do you have someone to stay with you tonight? No? Then you’ll need to sign a Waiver.” The nurse admitting me to hospital for surgery gazed at me before pushing a form across the desk and indicating where I was to sign. I was relinquishing their responsibility in this matter. This is a story about one of the aspects of being a widow (or even just being single) that you don’t even think of…until it happens.
Some people are hoarders, and some people just like to…well….hang onto stuff in case they need it one day. That was my husband Norbert. 😄 While he was in charge of his own ‘space’ he seemed to know where everything was and it wasn’t my problem. But then he was killed in a tragic accident and all of a sudden it became my problem….a BIG problem.
Last night I held a Pity Party. It was a Saturday evening and the weather was deliciously warm and balmy. As the sun went down I turned on the fairy lights on the patio. It looked so beautiful and inviting outside that I had the brilliant idea to pour myself a glass of wine, put on some low-key Jazz music and sit in the pool and watch the stars come out. Sounds lovely? It was…until…..