The clouds were grey and hanging low in the sky when I got into my car and drove away from my home. The heavy skies were threatening rain, and the weather matched my mood as I took a deep breath, and fought to regain the tight control I had had on my emotions and well-being for some time. But…it felt like things were going off the rails.
Denial…anger….depression….bargaining…acceptance. That’s the infamous 5 stages of grief. Since my husband died I’ve been on my own grief journey. So where am I up to? Obviously past denial, but have I reached acceptance yet? Is there anything after acceptance or is that the end of the road? Well I’m going to bust this whole thing apart and hopefully everyone will stop talking about it to grieving people. I mean…seriously…..we have enough to deal with.
I was asked the question recently…”Are you feeling angry? Did you ever feel anger about what has happened ?” Hmmmm…it made me think. My wonderful husband Norbert was killed in a gliding accident so perhaps I should be angry. There are certainly a lot of options for anger if I allow myself to go down that path.
Last night I held a Pity Party. It was a Saturday evening and the weather was deliciously warm and balmy. As the sun went down I turned on the fairy lights on the patio. It looked so beautiful and inviting outside that I had the brilliant idea to pour myself a glass of wine, put on some low-key Jazz music and sit in the pool and watch the stars come out. Sounds lovely? It was…until…..
I think I’m relatively sane, although I did wonder for a while! You probably think I’m joking but I actually feel quite embarrassed about some of the things I said/did during the early weeks after my husband Norbert was killed in the glider crash. Here’s where I admit to some of the reeeeally stupid things…. 🙂