Archive griefgoeson | After the Heartbreak
Is All Grief the Same?

Is All Grief the Same?

This question has been going around and around in my head for a long time now. I’ve needed to write about it but oh…..what a contentious topic! I could just imagine how some might react:
Are you saying your grief is worse than mine?
How can you ‘compare griefs’ – are you suggesting a hierarchy?
Don’t you dare judge my feelings when you don’t know me!

Oh dear. [shudders] My fear of this reaction is why I haven’t broached the subject in the past. I have a strong self-protection instinct… but I also have a need to explore and understand what is going around in my head AND maybe what might help others to understand what’s going on for them too.

Perhaps I should continue to shy away from the topic, but our society doesn’t ‘do death’ very well at all, and I believe it should be something we talk about openly.

So here goes….. [braces herself]…..

It’s like losing control of everything!

It’s like losing control of everything!

Imagine this. You’re juggling a dozen or more brightly coloured balls, keeping them carefully spaced apart and all in the air at the same time. It’s not easy but you are well practiced and so your hands grab each ball at exactly the right time to grasp it, and flick it on it’s way before the next one comes around.

And then…. they all fall to the ground at exactly the same time. Crash!!!

What if this was your life, and all the balls are the various aspects of your life that you keep in motion. Confidently and with the expectation of somebody who has managed their own life for a long time, you know what is going to happen next.

And then your partner/soul-mate/love of your life….dies. Crash!!!

The Second Year Should Be Easier….Right?

The Second Year Should Be Easier….Right?

Me sitting in my pool with wine

Last night I held a Pity Party. It was a Saturday evening and the weather was deliciously warm and balmy. As the sun went down I turned on the fairy lights on the patio. It looked so beautiful and inviting outside that I had the brilliant idea to pour myself a glass of wine, put on some low-key Jazz music and sit in the pool and watch the stars come out. Sounds lovely? It was…until…..