From the blackness of grief to a rainbow of colours
I was asked the question recently…”Are you feeling angry? Did you ever feel anger about what has happened ?” Hmmmm…it made me think. My wonderful husband Norbert was killed in a gliding accident so perhaps I should be angry. There are certainly a lot of options for anger if I allow myself to go down that path.
I wasn’t always grieving. In fact I used to be a person who tried to support others. Looking back I think I did this very badly though. In fact, I am appalled at the incredibly inappropriate things I said to these poor people, and the expectations I had of them. Yes…expectations! I actually expected them to come halfway so that I could feel OK too! Sheesh! 😫
I can now empty a can of insect spray onto scary spiders! 😋
Oh wow…you’re probably wondering where on earth I’m going with this topic! What on earth could possibly be positive about having a loved one die! Steady on though and let me explain. 🙂
Of course it’s not positive to lose someone you love, but there’s that old saying ‘for every cloud there is a silver lining’, and I want to focus on searching very hard to find some silver linings in what I know is a VERY dark, stormy cloud.
Some people are hoarders, and some people just like to…well….hang onto stuff in case they need it one day. That was my husband Norbert. 😄 While he was in charge of his own ‘space’ he seemed to know where everything was and it wasn’t my problem. But then he was killed in a tragic accident and all of a sudden it became my problem….a BIG problem.
Last night I held a Pity Party. It was a Saturday evening and the weather was deliciously warm and balmy. As the sun went down I turned on the fairy lights on the patio. It looked so beautiful and inviting outside that I had the brilliant idea to pour myself a glass of wine, put on some low-key Jazz music and sit in the pool and watch the stars come out. Sounds lovely? It was…until…..
I think I’m relatively sane, although I did wonder for a while! You probably think I’m joking but I actually feel quite embarrassed about some of the things I said/did during the early weeks after my husband Norbert was killed in the glider crash. Here’s where I admit to some of the reeeeally stupid things…. 🙂