Archive lossofspouse | After the Heartbreak
When to start dating again

When to start dating again

Me with shadow

Would you like to go out for dinner?” It seemed innocent enough. Just two people who know each other, sharing a meal instead of eating alone. (I didn’t realise at the time that I was heading for a disaster. 😕)

I’ll get back to that story, because this post is about the whole ‘dating thing’ after losing a partner. I’ve never been one to shy away from controversial topics (evidenced by Should You View Your Loved One in a Coffin, and Is All Grief the Same)….however I’ve been putting this topic on the back burner for a long time.

Why? Because ‘re-partnering’ is a massive topic. Because it can open a door to judgmental opinions. Because I would need to ‘bare my soul’ and share stuff that I’ve kept tucked away. And because it really doesn’t apply to me….or does it?

What to do with his ashes

What to do with his ashes

Scattering Norbert's ashes into the ocean

I couldn’t have imagined ever having to consider this. When Norbert died, it was like I entered into a strange alternative universe, having to make decisions like what he would wear in the coffin. And then I was asked “What would you like to do with his ashes?”

Seriously? I mean…whoever thinks about this! What a gut-wrenching decision! There is one right answer though, and discussing this sad subject with others has helped me to realise what that right answer is.

How to choose clothes for the coffin

How to choose clothes for the coffin

Me holding men's underwear

Whatever you do, don’t take MY lead in this important decision. I mean, I sent my husband into the afterlife with no underwear on! Yes, you read that right. He attended his own funeral….COMMANDO! 😂

I’m not giving myself a hard time about it though. When the person you love dies suddenly, there is so much you are not prepared for, but I was particularly unprepared when the Funeral Director said “Can you please bring in a set of clothing for Norbert to wear for his funeral.”

Grief, Loss…and a Pandemic

Grief, Loss…and a Pandemic

I wasn’t planning on writing anything about the COVID-19 global pandemic because… well….I’m more focussed on surviving grief and the loss of a loved one, and how to deal with that kind of personal nightmare. But then all of a sudden the penny dropped.

You idiot!” I said to myself while rolling my eyes and smacking my forehead, “The whole WORLD is grieving!!!!”

As a widow who lives alone, I’m actually doing OK through this global upheaval, and when others ask how I’m coping, I say “I’m fine. I’ve had some practice.”

This is because I already know what it is like to have everything you thought you knew, snatched away.

Over time I’ve developed coping mechanisms and I’ve made a list of 6 of these which have particularly helped me. I thought I’d share my list as it might help others. 💔

The Day My Heart Broke…

The Day My Heart Broke…

Do you know a Norbert Gross?” This was the question asked of me when I opened my front door to two Police Officers. This is so hard to write, as it makes the memories flood back and my eyes well with tears. But first….perhaps some background…..